


Heart

by Chelsea072498



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Drug Use, Reader Insert, Suicide, major character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 17:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelsea072498/pseuds/Chelsea072498
Summary: **I didn't intentionally name this after the season two episode. It just happened**A hunt goes wrong, leaving the reader in pieces and Dean unable to move on from what happened.





	Heart

**Heart** [ **  
** ](http://chelsea072498.tumblr.com/post/147996979992/masterlist)

Dean Winchester looks at you and shakes his head. “I don’t like this.”

“Too fucking bad.” You tell him. “Three months ago…”

“We weren’t together three months ago!” He screams back. “Damn you, (Y/N)! I told you from the start that I wanted you. I wanted to try this. I was honest,” He pulls you to him. “This means more to me than a warm body at the end of the day. You mean more to me than I thought possible.”

“We are good together, Dean. Out there, in here. We’re just a damn good team.” You tell him.

“We don’t know how many werewolves there are. We have no clue how many victims we’re looking at and whether they’ve been turned. Twelve people are missing and only two were found.”

“We know it’s a werewolf. Hearts…”

“It doesn’t matter what we know! I can’t risk…” He takes a deep breath. “Darlin’, please, stay here.”

“I’m not a sit back and wait kind of girl.”

Dean kisses you. “If something happens to you…”

“Nothing is going to happen!” You insists.

Sam knocks. “We need to go, Dean.”

“I’m coming.” You tell them. “I can’t just sit back, Dean. I’m a hunter.”

Sam agrees. “She knows what she’s doing.”

“Fine!” Dean looks at you. “Stay close to me. Do not try anything crazy.” His face softens. “Sam, give us a minute.”

“Dean…”

“Sammy! Go!”

Once alone, he kisses you. You feel something almost magical in that kiss. He reluctantly pulls away and looks into your eyes.

“I love you.”

~*~

There was no time to discuss his words, no time for you to respond. Dean had immediately pulled you outside to Baby and set off for the last known location of who you assumed was the leader of the werewolf pack. Dean and Sam agreed that there were more than one running around.

“Stay behind me, Babe,” Dean tells you.

“Yes, sir.”

“Want to sit in the car?” He turned to you.

“I’m not a child!”

“No, you aren’t. You’re…damn it, stay in the car!”

Sam sighed. “Dean! (Y/N/N), come with me.”

“Watch her, Sammy. You make sure nothing happens to her.”

You smile at him. “Hey, Winchester?”

“What?”

“I love you, too.” You tell him with a smile. He winks and smiles back before heading to one side of the old barn.

Sam leads you to the other. You hear something going on inside. You wonder how many are inside, how they’re able to stay in the barn. Half of the roof is missing. You see as you get closer that several pieces of the wall are also gone. Sam pulls you to a door he spots and you quietly listen for anything coming from inside.

“There’s six more to turn, Daddy.” you hear a young girl say.

“Only six? Where’s the others?”

“I got hungry.” The girl laughs. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Gumdrop, you can’t go eating your new brothers and sisters. We need them!”

There’s a loud crash. You see three people running away from the barn through another door. Sam shakes his head when you start to open the door. As soon as you hear the gunshot, Sam kicks the door open. The Daddy is dead on the floor, Dean behind him with his gun still up.

“You killed my Daddy!” The little girl screams. She sees you and immediately goes for you. Sam knocks you out of the way just as Dean fires another shot into the little girls’ heart. You look at Dean and see the fear in his eyes.

Sam looks at his brother. “We saw three people run off. They said there were still six…”

“Six?” Dean asks. “Three. None were bitten.”

You keep your gun up. “Three were turned or killed.”

Dean opens his mouth to say something, but two of the three jump out of nowhere. One jumps on top of you, giving you only a second to grab your silver blade and stab her through the heart. The other has Sam cornered. You reach for your gun and fire as another shot rings out from behind you. You see the werewolf in front of Sam drop.

You then see Sam. His eyes wide open.

The bullet hole in his forehead.

“Sam!” You scream. “Sammy! No! Dean!” You turn and everything slows down.

Dean is fighting the last werewolf. His gun is on the ground and his silver blade flies out of his hand and across the floor. You don’t stop and think. You can’t. You raise your gun and shoot. You empty your clip into the last werewolf and then rush to Dean’s side.

“Baby?” You see how hurt he is. You see the blood.

You see the bite.

“Pray to Cas.” You beg. He can fix this, Dean.” You cry. “Cas can….”

“I’m healing.” Dean said. “I….my body is starting to heal.”

“Dean…”

“I need you to go outside, Baby. I don’t want you to see this.”

You’re confused. “See what?”

Dean reaches over and grabs the gun on the ground next to him. “I was bit. It’s…lights out.”

“No! We’ll call Garth. He’ll help you!” You tell him. You reach in your pocket for your phone. “We’ll call Garth and he and Bess will help you.” You look at him and know he’ll never accept this idea. “You can turn me and we’ll stay together.”

“Are you serious?!” Dean asked. “Are you fucking crazy?!”

“I love you and I’m not going to lose you!” you scream. “Damn you, Dean!” you sob. “We haven’t had enough time.”

He touches your cheek. “Baby, I knew we wouldn’t. I was just convinced that you would get killed because of me.”

“Instead I got you killed.”

Dean shook his head. “No! Rookie move on my part. I should have been paying attention. I should have…” He lifted his head. “My brother is dead…”

“We can fix this, Dean.” You tell him.

Dean kisses you. “I love you more than I could ever explain to you, (Y/N). My life was complete because I had you.”

“You’ll always have me.” You tell him. “I gave you my heart, Dean Winchester.”

He kisses you again. “I gave you mine.” He kisses you again. He puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a chain. You recognize the ring hanging from it. “I was planning to give you this after the hunt.”

“Your mom’s ring?”

“I’m healing faster now,” He tells you. “Baby, can you go to the car and grab a sheet. Pray to Cas. He can take Sam home for us.

You reach over and take the gun. “I’ll be back, Dean.”

He kisses you again. “Love you.”

“I’ll be right back.”

You aren’t surprised when you hear the gunshot. You set your gun and forgot. You drop to your knees. You know what this means.

The Winchesters are dead.

You’ve lost the love of your life.

“Cas! I need you. I pray you…”

Cas is suddenly in front of you. “Dean prayed to me also.”

“They’re in there.” You tell him. “Castiel, they’re both gone.”

He said nothing. You knew he’d take them home. To Mary. You close your eyes. Mary. You can’t face her. She was happy that your relationship with Dean moved to the next step. She was already teasing about grandchildren. You couldn’t face her. Never again.

Cas returns a few minutes later. You know immediately that he is processing this. His best friends, his brothers, are dead. “Mary is worried about you.”

“I can’t see her, Cas. I can’t. I didn't….I didn’t protect them.”

“I was able to see their last moments.” Cas tells you. “My father gave my grace a boost. I saw their last moments. Dean was the happiest he’s ever been. He loved you.”

“I love him.”

“Please, come home.” Cas begs. “We will need you.”

You stand up. “We need to deal with the bodies…”

“Dealt with.” He tells you.

“I need to get Baby back to the bunker.” You hug him. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

“I am very sorry too,” He tells you. “Please, get back soon.”

~*~

You never went back to the bunker. You couldn’t. You blocked Mary’s number. You have a hex bag so Crowley can’t find you. Your ribs were already marked by Cas ages ago so unless you tell him where you are, he can’t find you either.

It’s been eight months. You picked up where you left off before Dean begged you to move into the bunker. You were hunting. Small cases, mostly salt and burns. Occasionally, you hook up with another hunter or two for bigger things. You keep going. You have to. If you stop and take a moment to think about that night, to think about Dean, you’ll lose it. Hell, you already have.

You aren’t alone. You feel him with you. You were sure his anchor was Baby. At least you thought so until you left Baby at one of Bobby’s cabins for a few weeks to work a case with Tracey and she drove. You realized a few days into the hunt, he was with you.

The ring you were wearing around your neck was Dean’s anchor.

You saw him. Several times. He never spoke, only smiled. You always smiled back, but still he said nothing.

The decision to take him home was not an easy one. You knew that Mary would probably not welcome you home. You couldn’t blame her. You abandoned her. She needed you and you abandoned her. She wasn’t surprised Dean was haunting you. He worshiped his mother when he was alive.

You park in front of the bunker and sit for a good half an hour. Finally, you open the door and pray for the first time in months.

“Cas, I’m sorry. I’m outside the bunker. I need you.” You feel the tears coming. “Cas, I’m sorry!”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, (Y/N).” Cas tells you. “We were worried. Father said you were okay. He said you have your own protector now.”

“Dean.” You tell him. “Cas, he’s a ghost.”

Cas nodded. “I suspected that may happen. The car…”

“No, I left the car for a few weeks and he was with me.” You pull the chain from under your shirt. “He gave me this that night. It was Mary’s and he kept it all these years….”

“You’re bringing him back to his mother?”

“If she’ll see me.” You say. “I should have called.”

“You needed to grieve, Sweetheart.” You turn around at the sound of Mary’s voice. “I’m just glad you’re all right.”

“I’m so sorry, Mary!” you allow her to hold you and comfort you. You hate yourself. You should have been there to hold and comfort her.

“I heard the car.” Mary said. “I…for a second, I thought the boys were back.”

“I’m sorry.” You look down. “Dean…”

“I heard.” Her hand went to the ring. “I want my boy at peace.”

“I do too.” You tell her. “I didn’t feel right burning it….”

“It’s okay.” Mary takes your hand and you walk into the bunker with her. She leads you to the library fireplace. You unfasten the necklace and slowly hand it to her.

“I never touched their things.” Mary tells you. “Your room is as you and Dean left it. I’m sure there’s plenty in there…”

“Thank you.” You squeeze her hand as she tosses the necklace into the fire she already had going. You watch it melt but you realize immediately.

Dean isn’t gone.

You say nothing. You stand with Mary for a long time before excusing yourself to go see your room. Cas offers to get your things from the car and you thank her. A shower, some sleep, and maybe you’ll feel better.

Seeing the room that you and Dean spent hours in together is harder than you imagined. Pictures you took together are all over the room. The closet door is open and you see his flannels. You immediately grab one and smell it. You smell Dean.

“I always loved seeing you in my flannels.” Dean’s voice startles you.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I am, Babe.” He smiles at you. “You look so beautiful.”

“Dean, what’s the anchor?” you ask him. “You deserve peace.”

“I can’t tell you, Darlin’.” He runs his teeth over his bottom lip. “You can’t destroy my anchor.”

“You don’t belong here, Dean.” You cry. “I love you. I miss you so much. You can’t stay though.”

“I can’t go.” He says. “If I go…”

“What?” You urge him to tell you the rest. “Dean…”

“You’re my anchor.” He looks into your eyes. “I gave you my heart, (Y/N/N). I didn’t know that would mean….”

“You can’t move on until I die?” You realize what that means. “Dean….”

“No! Don’t even think it!”

You had to think it. How could you not? Dean deserved his heaven. You know your heaven would include him.

“(Y/N), please don’t even…”

You nod. “I won’t.” You tell him. “I am thinking maybe staying here would be best.”

“Mom would probably like that.” He smiles again.

You nod. “I need to go to the cabin in Nebraska and get the rest of my things. I think I’ll take a break from hunting for awhile. Spend time with Mary, you….” You smile. “I think maybe I’ll try and do what I should have done months ago and get myself together.”

“That’s my girl.”

“I’ll probably take Sam’s truck. There’s so much to bring back.” You tell him.

Dean nods. “It’ll give us time to talk.”

“You’ve had eight months….”

“This ghost thing isn’t as easy as you think.” he says.

You smile back and tell him you’re going to talk to his mother. You tell him to wait to tell her anything. You’ll surprise her when you get back.

~*~

You sent the text to Mary quickly and turn your phone off. You drop it on the floor and stomp it.

“What are you doing?”

You look at Dean. “I’m sorry, Baby. I’m doing what has to be done. For you. You deserve peace.”

“You…you took something earlier. I thought it was something for a headache…”

“I took sleeping pills. The right dose. Dean, I love you.” You tell him. “This whole thing got pretty fucked up pretty quick. You deserve your Heaven.”

“I want you…”

“You’ll be in mine.” You tell him. You feel the effects of the sleeping pills.

“Baby, call 911! It’s not too late.”

You open the bottle of whiskey. Dean’s favorite. You look at him. “I haven’t been able to drink whiskey. It was something I’d only had with you.”

“I love you.” Dean realized that you weren’t going to call 911. He realized that you were determined to do this. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

“You love me, Dean.” You smile at him through fresh tears. “You love me and you gave me your heart. I don’t know if I was worthy of it…”

“You are.”

“I can’t let you stay here. I just can’t let you not have your apple pie life. It’s waiting for you, Baby.” You feel yourself growing sleepy. You remember the last thing you have to do.

“(Y/N)?” Dean watches you walk to the fireplace and light a long stick on fire. “Baby?”

You walk to the window and set the curtains on fire. You walk to the stairs and aim for the second story, but you know you missed. Your eyes are heavy. You can barely lift your legs. You walk back to the couch and sit down.

“This is where it started,” You tell Dean. “We were drunk and we had an incredible night on this couch.”

“I remember. I knew that night I could never let you go.”

“I’m tired, Dean.” You tell him. “I am so sleepy.”

“Close your eyes, Baby. I’ll be there when you open them. We’ll be together.” Dean promised.

You hear his voice as your mind slips into complete darkness. You feel yourself floating. You’re expecting a reaper, but instead, you open your eyes and see a black room.

“You should have called me, Love.” Crowley walks in. “I could have saved you from this.”

“Where am I?” You ask. “Where’s Dean?”

“He’s in Heaven. Despite his death being a suicide, he is still one of Chuck’s favorites. You, unfortunately, Chuck could not work a deal for.”

You felt the magnitude of his words sink in. “Dean and I aren’t together.”

“You’ll never see him again,” Crowley says. “I like you though. I’ll make sure that you are tortured as often as possible….”

“If that’s how you treat people you like….”

“Darling,” his eyes are shining. “The more often you’re tortured, the quicker your soul….”

“You’re going to make me a demon.” You feel sick. How can you feel anything? You’re dead!

He claps his hands and several clouds of black smoke fly into the room. “Today’s torture is going to be a lot of fun. Enjoy!”


End file.
